Sunday, 22 November 2015

7 Annoying Things Women Do

As promised, the rejoinder to '5 Annoying Things Men Do'. The fact that the women's list has 7 points instead of 5 does not mean that women are more annoying. It means that men are infinitely annoying so I had to select the top 5 for them, whereas the 7 things listed here are the only things that are annoying about women. That's right isn't it..?

I asked both men and women for suggestions, and was thrilled to find that I do nearly all of these annoying things myself. There's only one thing that is something other women do*.

(Please note that I have used him/her scenarios to make the language simpler - I respect women’s right to annoy other women as well as men.)

Courtesy of

1 Hogging the duvet

As a wise man said, if you think women are the weaker sex, try getting the duvet off one in the middle of the night. Even in my sleep, my grip on the warm covering is steely.

2 Taking too long in public toilets

Seriously, what are you doing in there? Total outfit change? Catching up on emails?  There’s a queue!! And women will do this even when there is one of those anxiety-inducing queues, like in the interval at a show. They have no shame.

3 Refusing to make a decision, then disagreeing with someone else’s

‘Shall we have Indian or Italian?’
‘I don’t mind, you decide.’
‘Well I fancy an Indian, let’s go to the Balti House.’
‘We always have an Indian! Why can’t we have Italian?’

4 Not ordering a dessert, making her partner feel greedy for having one, then eating half of his 

Because calories don’t count if you didn’t order them?

5 Never getting to the point

 I laughed when a colleague suggested this one with a haunted, long-suffering look. Sometimes I meander around the point for ages, for the sheer joy of expressing myself.

6 In moments of crisis, venting emotion instead of looking for a solution

My computer does something terrifying in the middle of some important work. Do I calmly go through the likely causes until I find what’s wrong, and then fix it? Of course not. I scream and shout about how important the work is, how long it took me, how bloody typical this is and how much I hate my life. When colleagues suggest solutions, I angrily tell them why they won’t work (because life is unfair and randomly cruel) instead of trying them.

7 Saying she’s fine when she isn’t

She’s annoyed. He doesn’t know why, so he asks if she’s OK. She says she’s fine but then goes out of her way to show that she isn’t. Now she’s upset, not just for the original reason, but also because he doesn’t know what this is. Frank Skinner calls this ‘my girlfriend’s favourite game: Guess Why I’m Upset’.

* In case you're wondering, I don't take too long in public toilets.